Dec 30, 2010

Choking Feeling

It was last year at this time of the year; I was torn apart with the grief and sorrow at my mom’s death. I was at school when I noticed that she left the world. That night, I was left in shock and chilled to bone. I didn’t know that I should expect such grief while I was away from home. It was fall semester and I had to cope with the pressure of finals and the grievous loss.

I didn’t tell anyone why I was sad and instead I isolated myself in my room and rarely walked out to the café and gym. I came to Philadelphia to spend my four weeks break with my host family and friends. My host family celebrated my birthday, and it was the first time in my life. When I was in Afghanistan, I used to consider it unimportant and no one really cares about it. That night, at dinner table, my hostess told me that when I get back home I should thank my mom for bringing me into this world. A sudden sharp grief chocked in my throat shortly, I resisted and I embraced her suggestion and said to her: “I will, I will.” No one realized the quiver in my voice. She didn’t know nor did others that what was happening in my inside. Nonetheless, that night was fabulous even it was blended with some bitter feeling.

Almost five months later, after all through the months and weeks that I have had a choked feeling in my throat and holding back my tears, I told my friends about the grievous loss and I wrote a eulogy to my mom’s death.

Anyhow, these days reminding me of last year’s memories, especially, the New Year’s night in Northern Liberties that I had put the bar’s glass in my pocket which the next day I returned it to the bar. I was heavily drunk that night.

My friend, you went far, to remember those nights, Cheers!