I decided to write something about myself. I want you know me well, especially now that i am writing under my real name. I want to come out of anonymity and be known to my readers. I like to keep my contacts with all firmly, and I like to know what others think about me, my culture, and my society. I want to open a window from my country to the world.
Let me not talk about my miserable living in the past. I am a son of harshness and this made me have quite some life experiments. I am very energetic and happy, happy because I always make very comic chats with people, and make them laugh.
Earlier in my adolescent period I red a book about different behaviors and tempers, but it wasn’t sufficient. I learned to become close with some people at a first glance because I made them laugh and happy. This was owed from a psychological book when for the first time I found an aged book almost omitted parts of it. That was the first time I found an aged book, but it was incomplete. I learned about people’s looks, their face, eyes, teeth, hair, shoulder, neck, chest, butts, legs, ankle, and their ways of walking and talking, it was all there, described in detail.
For example, a person who holds his neck squeezed between his shoulders always behaves like a stubborn guy and some times can be deadly angry. When I was reading the chapters, I was going to find the man in the same status detailed in the book. I found people who have stiff hair or bristled, with strong memory but weak in analyzing. When my research and imaginations I got from the book were becoming true, for a whole week I was frantic with joy. I never forget those people I then saw, their face and smile still flush in me.
Unfortunately I lost the book, when I came back from the northern part of Pakistan, from Peshawar to Kabul, on the way people pressingly advised me to throw it away because the roads were controlled by Taliban insurgents. My co travelers were worried and wanted to avoid everything that could cause any mishap or lead to danger. I didn’t throw my treasure away but kept it hidden, beneath the seat in the van. When I reached Kabul, I checked under the seat, but was disappeared. I assumed one my travelers had thrown it away.
I was very sad for the first days, but then thought that if I have my knowledge from the book, losing it doesn’t mean I that lose that treasure from my mind as well? I convinced myself that I learned enough. I forgot the book and never sobbed or sighed about it again!
I was seriously discovering how people are different and wondering how I could meet good and talented people. Do understand me well, I was trying to find spectacular people for friendship. At this interlude age was not of matter; I found an old man in a refugee camp in northern Pakistan and never left him for a period. He was an unusual and very special person. I felt impressed by him. He influenced me. His face was flushed with pleasure, love and peace. He was my real treasure. He talked from a different world, from mysticism world.
My world is a time drop to melancholia. When I hear a piece of music, I can’t sit, nor keep quiet. Sometimes it emotions me to tears and sometimes when I become overjoyed, I scream, sing and dance. When I for the first time heard ‘Swan Lake’ of Tchaikovsky I didn’t ever forget it anymore. Later I heard ‘Für Elise’ and ‘Symphony nr. 9’ and found a keyboard to play the melodies.
Later, when I shifted to solitude I decided to do some changes. At this stage, I was trying to refresh my relationship, my links with old friends and looking for new ones. It happened many times, that I paid for good friends in my life. I hugged and trusted them.
On the other hand, some of them I always tried to forget, because I didn’t understand for what reason I had contact with them, or with their worlds. I found it useless to talk and spend time with them. Finally I persuaded them to only wave. At the beginning of this year 2007 I decided to be straightforward, clear and serious with myself and the people around me. I excused with many for not contacting them anymore.
I really like to tell stories for children. My favorite story listeners are children. I love them and can follow my past in their eyes, actions, laughter, angers, being so childish without fear and so very keen to learn.
This is some brief information about me. If you have any question to ask me let me know. I’d like that.
I have online interview here:
1) Interview with Globale Voice Online here
2) Interview with Internationalist Magazine here
3) Interview with gair rhydd (Welsh for "free word") is the official student newspaper of Cardiff University, here on page 20th
4) A Dialogue with Roel Verniers Belgiumist writer at Theater of war here
5) My monolog here
6) With Okke Ornstien here
May 8, 2007